BACK TO DIARY PAGE                                                   Home                                 

 
Valentines day
 
Yesterday was a surreal day. As in I was miserable for the whole of it, went to sleep in a very tired and depressed manner and woke up realising that I had just had three consecutive dreams about suicide. This means only on thing - Valentines day is approaching.

Whats worse is that the first actual relationship I've had with a girl ended, without reasoning, any attempt of an explanation, or some 'big bang'
with lots of shouting and fireworks. I came back expecting things to be the same, and I what I find is a girl that won't even hold my hand.

I'm 19, and she was the first girl that I ever really liked, so this has all been pretty painful for me.

So today is actually valentines day, which if anything to me, just serves as a reminder of what I don't have. I don't think anyones is actually happy on valentines day - you either loose a load of money, or you just sit around being envious of all those bastards out there that actually have somebody worth spending money on.
I only just realised today that people are walking around with symbols of VITAL ORGANS in the forms of balloons or cards. You never see anyone walking around spraying each other with blood or handing out duodenum shaped chocolates to each other.

"The quickest way to a mans heart is a katana."

The Friday before marked the official opening of the university, which involved prince Charles unveiling some plague and the martial arts group (myself included) putting on a performance. We're not even sure if he saw us or not, but a large group of girls did, and that's always good.

I've come out of my retirement, and now have a relaxing job cleaning Sommerfield from 6am to 8am before it opens, which is really, really easy.
It's just about getting up in time every day.

Also a competition is taking place on the 31st of March,and for me at least is something to focus on with a shread of optimism, because if I do really well I might win, and if I do really badly I might die. It's win-win in my current mindstate.

Anyway, I'm going to bake some spleen shaped cookies and see if anyone finds them at all romantic.

Goodnight
 
 

site sponsored by PPI Business NLP - NLP training and business performance coaching